This morning I woke up at 8am a fairly normal hour, I checked facebook from my phone because I am that addicted to it. I saw my friend James' status was "going back to NJ for a very sad day." I assumed it had something to do with his wife's side of the family so I let it go. About an hour later and after sleeping some more, I check facebook via my phone again. It amuses me that I do this because the PC is down the hallway in the living room. This time I saw Brendan's status say "pray" and I saw Britney's status say "praying for everyone." I knew with Brendan having pray up that it was James' side of the family and when Britney (a friend of the family) had something written I thought "uh-oh."
Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would get the text message that I did get. So after seeing these statuses I send a text message to my friend Bridget (she is James and Brendan's Aunt) and I say "What happened or what is happening, I only ask because of James', Brendan's and Britney's statuses on facebook." I got back a very straight forward message that said "I didn't get to call you yet, but it's Nicky. He's dead. We're going to the hospital." I read the text message and I knew what it said and I responed back with a "holy crap, what the hell happened? tell katie and everyone that i'll be praying for everyone."
I honestly expected to be something about Bridget's father, and I don't know why her dad came to mind first but he did. I never thought I would read, hear, see the words Nicky's dead. Nicky is Bridget's grand-nephew or great-nephew what ever you want to call him and Katie is her nice and Nicky's mom.
I re-read the text message about 4 or 5 times before it really sank in and then again it really didn't until a little while later when James (Katie's brother, Nicky's uncle and then Bridget's nephew) left a message much like the one I left for our friend Kelly, you know the classic, "when you get this call me back, I've got news that I'm not leaving on a message."
I had of all things a funeral Mass to go to so I went off and showered and continuously checked facebook via my cell phone at times wishing that somehow Bridget's text was going to magically change. I went to the funeral Mass and tried my best to think of and pray for Joann, whom I know from the Cornerstone Retreat team I am on, who is the wife of the man who the funeral Mass was for, but I couldn't my mind was completely on Nicky and Katie. Fr. George was preaching to the family of the man who died, he was preaching to all of us, but it was geared towards the family. Fr. George spoke of love. All I could think of was yep that's why it hurts because I love Katie and Nicky. I know where Nicky is, he's in Heaven with his cousins Fiona and Bernadette and his great-aunt Teresa and his great-uncles Matthew and Owen, who also were taken home to God earlier than we would have liked. I'm sure there's other family members up there too, I just know their names.
Nicholas Tolentine Alexander Knock (yes that is his full name, he was born around or on the feast of our Lady of Knock so that got tossed in, and Alexander came from Fiona (who died about a month and a half before Nicky was born) whose middle name is Alexandra), may you rest in peace, your short life brought great joy to those of us who knew you, even if I was the crazy one with the camera that you saw once in a while.
Katie my prayers are with you as you will need them more than anyone. I want to do nothing more than just hug you right now. My prayers are also with the family, I've know you guys for 10 years now and from the first time I met you I was treated as family. Hell, most of you consider me family.
Life is so confusing at times. God has His plan, we may not understand it, but we have to go with it.
Showing posts with label Fiona. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fiona. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Two years
It does not seem like two years since I got two messages from Bridget, one saying, "you need to pray for Mary Ann, something happened to/with Fiona" the second "call me back when you get a chance I have sad/bad news." I was working at New York and Company at the time so I wouldn't have had my phone on until I left, which was usually 11pm or later as I mostly closed. I know the above messages are not word for word, but I knew from the moment I heard the first one what had happened. For the rest of the time I worked at New York and Company I hated turning on my phone after a night's work. It honestly took me 45 or more minutes to call Bridget back. I didn't want to do it on the way home, as I was driving, once I got home I couldn't bring myself to hear the words, "she's gone." Eventually I sucked it up and called and heard what I expected to hear, Fiona had died.
Here's the short version of the story, Fiona somehow at the age of 23 months managed to move a kids table over to the edge of the deck climbed up fell over the deck wall and fence into the pool area and was found face down in the pool. Bottom line of the story is that she died.
I remember going to work the next day numb as I didn't even know how to phrase what happened to my manager and to tell them I wouldn't be in on the days of the wake and funeral. I eventually told one of them and left it at that.
I remember looking at the small coffin with the pretty little girl in her pretty little dress with her beautiful curls in it. I remember how her Aunt Bridget and I made first class relics by simply touching Rosary Beads and other articles to Fiona. Mary Ann, Fiona's mom looked at us and once she realized what we were doing, she laughed.
That night Aunt Bridget and I ended up, well Bridget more than I, I was simply there to keep Bridget company, making the pall that would go over Fiona's casket. It was simply beautiful, a piece of white satin, with tulle around the bottom of it, with roses on the corners. We literally flew by the seat of our pants while making it and some how it came together, we know it was by the grace of the Holy Spirit. When we finished it, Bridget and I simply stepped back and looked at the pall lying on the dining room table and both said, "It's wrong that it's so pretty." We stared at it and eventually turned to each other and said, I can't look any more or I'll start crying, and seeing as we found a way to laugh while making the pall we both decided that the crying was best left for the Mass of Christian Burial. So I went home only to return to Newark the next morning for the Funeral Mass.
Mass was obviously sad, I walked in to see an honor guard of Irish Dancers in full uniform, who really did look out of place, but little Fiona loved watching her brother and sisters dance so she got an honor guard of dancers. Heck I dance around the house sometimes knowing she's probably watching. Larry aka Fr. Larry told us during the homily that Mary Ann told him that he was going to sing her a good African Spiritual, and Larry did, he started his homily out with "Swing Low Sweet Chariot coming forth to bring me home... and then went in to his homily, finding a way to make us laugh and cry." The hardest part was hearing Dan, Mary Ann's brother-in-law start to sing Elmo's World after we all laughed, we all cried, as Elmo was Fiona's favorite show and character. We walked out crying as was expected and it was raining slightly, and all I could think of and as Mary Ann's off the boat Irish mother-in-law said, "happy the corpse the rain falls on." Yep, leave to the Irish to say something like that, as Mary Ann and I said later, it always rains over there, they had to come up with something!
That day continued on with the actual burial part and the traditional meal back at Mary Ann's sister's house. Eventually I ended up staying over as the Peter Smith School Feis was the next day and I wanted to watch Mary Ann's kids dance.
It really doesn't seem like 2 years ago, but I know that it is. Fiona's death brought me closer to my faith and to the idea of Church Militant and Church Triumphant closer to me as well. The terms Church Militant, Church Triumphant, and Church Suffering aren't used anymore or at the very least not spoken about too much and I miss it. We connect with the Saints and saints (no I am not repeating myself, there's a difference between saint with a capital S and a lower case S) in a awesome way at every Mass and with Fiona's death that idea was brought closer to home for me.
Fiona is not the first "young person" for me to bury, honestly she's not even the youngest, her cousin Bernadette holds that honor, but she is one of the youngest and her death brought Heaven closer to me.
Fiona I will continue to pray to you, especially for parking spots, you and Tony are great at that, I will talk to you about others that we need to work on, and yes I know that you can run up to Jesus and sit on His lap and whisper our prayers to Him, if not I'm sure Mommy aka Mary is telling Him for us.
Fiona may you continue to rest in peace and to pray for us!
Fiona Alexandra Marie 7/13/04- 6/19/06
Here's the short version of the story, Fiona somehow at the age of 23 months managed to move a kids table over to the edge of the deck climbed up fell over the deck wall and fence into the pool area and was found face down in the pool. Bottom line of the story is that she died.
I remember going to work the next day numb as I didn't even know how to phrase what happened to my manager and to tell them I wouldn't be in on the days of the wake and funeral. I eventually told one of them and left it at that.
I remember looking at the small coffin with the pretty little girl in her pretty little dress with her beautiful curls in it. I remember how her Aunt Bridget and I made first class relics by simply touching Rosary Beads and other articles to Fiona. Mary Ann, Fiona's mom looked at us and once she realized what we were doing, she laughed.
That night Aunt Bridget and I ended up, well Bridget more than I, I was simply there to keep Bridget company, making the pall that would go over Fiona's casket. It was simply beautiful, a piece of white satin, with tulle around the bottom of it, with roses on the corners. We literally flew by the seat of our pants while making it and some how it came together, we know it was by the grace of the Holy Spirit. When we finished it, Bridget and I simply stepped back and looked at the pall lying on the dining room table and both said, "It's wrong that it's so pretty." We stared at it and eventually turned to each other and said, I can't look any more or I'll start crying, and seeing as we found a way to laugh while making the pall we both decided that the crying was best left for the Mass of Christian Burial. So I went home only to return to Newark the next morning for the Funeral Mass.
Mass was obviously sad, I walked in to see an honor guard of Irish Dancers in full uniform, who really did look out of place, but little Fiona loved watching her brother and sisters dance so she got an honor guard of dancers. Heck I dance around the house sometimes knowing she's probably watching. Larry aka Fr. Larry told us during the homily that Mary Ann told him that he was going to sing her a good African Spiritual, and Larry did, he started his homily out with "Swing Low Sweet Chariot coming forth to bring me home... and then went in to his homily, finding a way to make us laugh and cry." The hardest part was hearing Dan, Mary Ann's brother-in-law start to sing Elmo's World after we all laughed, we all cried, as Elmo was Fiona's favorite show and character. We walked out crying as was expected and it was raining slightly, and all I could think of and as Mary Ann's off the boat Irish mother-in-law said, "happy the corpse the rain falls on." Yep, leave to the Irish to say something like that, as Mary Ann and I said later, it always rains over there, they had to come up with something!
That day continued on with the actual burial part and the traditional meal back at Mary Ann's sister's house. Eventually I ended up staying over as the Peter Smith School Feis was the next day and I wanted to watch Mary Ann's kids dance.
It really doesn't seem like 2 years ago, but I know that it is. Fiona's death brought me closer to my faith and to the idea of Church Militant and Church Triumphant closer to me as well. The terms Church Militant, Church Triumphant, and Church Suffering aren't used anymore or at the very least not spoken about too much and I miss it. We connect with the Saints and saints (no I am not repeating myself, there's a difference between saint with a capital S and a lower case S) in a awesome way at every Mass and with Fiona's death that idea was brought closer to home for me.
Fiona is not the first "young person" for me to bury, honestly she's not even the youngest, her cousin Bernadette holds that honor, but she is one of the youngest and her death brought Heaven closer to me.
Fiona I will continue to pray to you, especially for parking spots, you and Tony are great at that, I will talk to you about others that we need to work on, and yes I know that you can run up to Jesus and sit on His lap and whisper our prayers to Him, if not I'm sure Mommy aka Mary is telling Him for us.
Fiona may you continue to rest in peace and to pray for us!
Fiona Alexandra Marie 7/13/04- 6/19/06
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